Miss You, Too

A:  I want to go to Sassy's.
M:  We are going to go to Sassy's tomorrow.
A:  No, I don't want to go tomorrow.  I want to go now.
M:  We are going to Sassy's tomorrow, and you are going to stay with her for a few days.  Won't that be fun?
A: (pause)
A:  I might miss you.

Heart Moments

I know my baby is growing up. He is much closer to a year than to 6 months. We have been expecting him to crawl for weeks now. And he finally did. He crawled toward a desired toy yesterday morning and again this evening. I was excited. I grabbed the camera to shoot a video. I shared that video with everyone that would watch. I accepted the fact that he was crawling.

But this morning, he did something different. He crawled to me. With an impish grin on his face. With lights dancing in his eyes. With an uncoordinated, unpracticed gait. He crawled to me.

My world stopped for those few seconds. My heart exploded into a million sweet fragments. I thanked God for this precious, amazing gift.

Then, I scooped up Austin for a big hug and asked him when he learned to be so big. And the spell was broken because he had other places to go.

I Love Being Your Mom

Dear Austin,

As you grow up and start questioning things, I expect you will  ask if I like being your mom.  Most kids wonder about that at some point.  The answer, my dearest son, is a resounding, heart stopping, earth shaking YES.  More than anything I've ever done, more than any role I've ever played, more than any job I've ever had, I love being your mom.  God created me to be your mom, and he created you to be my son.  I won't be perfect, and I'll make mistakes.  However, I will always love you more than words can ever describe.  And if I had the choice to make again, I would choose to be your mom a thousand times over.

Love always,

Mommy

Heart Moments

The more I see Austin grow and change, the more I realize that nearly every day will bring its own treasured memories and wondrous moments.  Most days these moments are small and fleeting, but no less wonderful for their briefness.  Many of these moments happen so gradually as daily we watch Austin grow.  For example, after watching Austin smile in his sleep for several weeks, he gradually learned to use those muscles while awake.  He smiled more and more frequently until one day we realized that the smiles were intentional and were the effect of our actions.  What a wonderful moment!  Another such moment occurred when I realized that particular sound he was making was a laugh.  A laugh caused by my funny faces or Daddy's silly songs.  That laugh is already increasing in duration and will one day catch our hearts again as it turns into a full belly laugh.

However, I'm also learning that there are certain moments that are so unexpected and unpredictable that they nearly stop my heart.  It is not a feeling that can be adequately put into words, so I'll just call them "heart moments."

I have always been able to calm or comfort Austin better than anyone except maybe Daddy.  However, as a fairly easy going 4 mo, Austin is generally happy in most anyone's arms.  He is still too young to fully understand when someone new is holding him, and he doesn't seem to realize that some people are strangers.

Today, however, Austin demonstrated a preference for Mommy to hold him.  He can't crawl or move.  He can't even use his arms to reach for me, but he found a way.  Papa Mac was holding him, and he looked me straight in the eyes and leaned over in Papa Mac's arms toward me.  Papa Mac straightened him up, and I moved.  Once Austin found me, he did the same thing- leaning until he was nearly horizontal.  My heart swelled up and nearly stopped.  I wrapped him up in my arms and felt pretty certain, in that heart moment, that I would never let him go again.