The more I see Austin grow and change, the more I realize that nearly every day will bring its own treasured memories and wondrous moments. Most days these moments are small and fleeting, but no less wonderful for their briefness. Many of these moments happen so gradually as daily we watch Austin grow. For example, after watching Austin smile in his sleep for several weeks, he gradually learned to use those muscles while awake. He smiled more and more frequently until one day we realized that the smiles were intentional and were the effect of our actions. What a wonderful moment! Another such moment occurred when I realized that particular sound he was making was a laugh. A laugh caused by my funny faces or Daddy's silly songs. That laugh is already increasing in duration and will one day catch our hearts again as it turns into a full belly laugh.
However, I'm also learning that there are certain moments that are so unexpected and unpredictable that they nearly stop my heart. It is not a feeling that can be adequately put into words, so I'll just call them "heart moments."
I have always been able to calm or comfort Austin better than anyone except maybe Daddy. However, as a fairly easy going 4 mo, Austin is generally happy in most anyone's arms. He is still too young to fully understand when someone new is holding him, and he doesn't seem to realize that some people are strangers.
Today, however, Austin demonstrated a preference for Mommy to hold him. He can't crawl or move. He can't even use his arms to reach for me, but he found a way. Papa Mac was holding him, and he looked me straight in the eyes and leaned over in Papa Mac's arms toward me. Papa Mac straightened him up, and I moved. Once Austin found me, he did the same thing- leaning until he was nearly horizontal. My heart swelled up and nearly stopped. I wrapped him up in my arms and felt pretty certain, in that heart moment, that I would never let him go again.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I guess we will have to send you out of the room when I and papa Carl come to visit. Just for a short while so we can hold him and he will not feel any anxiety. We cannot wait to hear that wonderful laugh in person. Love, GiGi
ReplyDeleteDear Whitney, I had wet eyes when I read this e-mail. It was so heart warming and full of love. I'm really looking forward to seeing that smile and hearing that baby laugh. Mama Shoe
ReplyDeleteI've always known you're brilliant, beautiful and loyal; but Austin is showing me qualities that don't surprise as much as confirm the depth of your soul. Isn't it amazing how his gentleness, his need, his innocense bind him to a place so central to your existence you cannot imagine breathing without him. That's why it's so important to commit him to the Lord. You cannot adequately care for, protect and mold him, but God can. Believe it or not, I love you just that same way.
ReplyDeleteMom
Somehow, you have succeeded at making me cry once again...I remember those heart moments as they were this morning. They continue everyday regardless of our children's age. Today Carly asked me if I liked being a mommy. She said I know you love me, but do you like taking our chewed gum every time or giving baths? She wanted to know if these things frustrated me! Please enjoy every good and not so enjoyable moment. They each hold their own lessons. Oh what we could learn from our little ones! love you sister
ReplyDeleteThe love for your child just keeps on growing and growing until it takes over your life, if you let it..... and we're supposed to let it. From that moment on, you've lost total control. Papa Carl
ReplyDelete